I started my new job!

I just got a job. I did my orientation today and I start training this Tuesday I am struggling with it because I have been with my daughter since she was three, I know all my kids are in school full time and I have good hours during the week I get to be home with them before and after. So yes that is great! But I have to work on Saturdays so that is something I have to get use to. I know I will be alright and this is something I have to do, for my family part of the reason is because my husband is going to be getting surgery and the disablilty pay will not be enough. I love my family and husband so much and he does so much for us the least I can do is pick up the slack for awhile. But it will also help even after the fact if will bring in some extra money.
So it is going to be an adjustment but it will work!

Good Morning and Happy Saturday!

I am so glad it is the weekend and I get to spend it with the family. I just got a job and I will be starting within the next 2 weeks and I am going to have to work on Sats. so I am going to enjoy what i have right now. I am excited that I got a job we really need the money cause my husband hurt his back and has been out on and off for a couple weeks but he gets surgery in a about a month and he could be out 3 months so I am going to need the extra income to help. I just want this to help him and get him better then he was before and I really hope this is how it works.

anyway I hope everyone has a great weekend and I will be back later to update on the job!

Check this out!

I am 5 days in!

I have made it to my 5th morning I am feeling alot better then I did on Friday and Saturday they were really tough days. I was having really bad anxiety I was crying getting really mad it was just very hard and I don't want to go back down that road again and have to do it all over again if I would start smoking again no way! I chew the Nicorette gum but maybe 3 times a day I only do it when I really want a cigarette and when I would go out and get a pack other wise. In away feeling the way I did not saying it was the best quitting choice (cold turkey) it makes me really think about not wanting to go through it again like that so at this point besides thinking about my kids,husband and friends that are so proud of me I think about how I felt those first 3 days and I really don't want to feel that again! I know i still have alot of time to get through but I am doing it!

I am quitting smoking

I have gotten to my quit date, I am smoke free since 11:14 last night. I am trying to keep myself occupied and using lollipops and gum to get rid of the craving.

I am at a loss here with my oldest son I can take everything away from him and he still blows off his work I cannot stand that he just thinks not doing homework is exceptable. I do not know what to do and how to deal with this any other way I am positive with him when he does a great job but I have to do something when he starts blowing off his wor again I cannot deal with ! If you have any advice on how to deal with it better please let me know!

Off from school today!

The kids are off from school today, so I need to see how I am going to keep them occupied gosh it has been a month since I had to do it during the week and I already forget! hahaha.
My oldest has a football game this afternoon that we will be going to I hope he plays some now that he has his cast off! This is his first game since he got it off last Tues. so here is hoping.

Well I hope everyone has a good day!

I HAVE A NEW BLOG!

I am quitting smoking and I have a new blog so people can give me advice and suggestions. You can go to my profile under this blog and click on that and it will give you a tab to the other one.
I need all the support and advice I can get! thanks
also www.youcanloseittoo.blogspot.com

I don't understand teenagers

I am really struggling with my 15 year old. He is in 10th grade and he was starting out good with doing his work I mean it has only been 4 weeks. But now I finally was able to get on the new grading system for the parents and he is failing one class and has a D in the other. We have talked and he says oh I going to do great I am going to get all A's and B's you know I can even handle a C but after last year when he almost failed I am not tolerating it at all and I am nipping it in the bud now. But how do you get this child to understand just because you are doing your homework or classwork if you do it half fast it is not going to work you will get bad grades. I don't know I just don't get it he asks like since he didn't lie to me and he did all his work and their are no zeros then he should be punished. But he did his work but he only got like one or two points out of 10 or 7 because he didn't do it right.

So at this point he has lost all privileges until his grades are back up to at least a C because I told him at the end of last year that we will not go through another year with all D's and F's He was warned already C's and above. I know he can do it I am not asking to much he is a very smart child he use to do it so I am not asking to much.

So if anyone has any suggestions since we are only in the first couple weeks of school I would greatly appreciate it!

I hope everyone has a Great day!

They are all in school

My children are all in school full day now gosh I don't know what to do with myself sometimes I am going to be looking for a part time job while they are in school but right now I have been going through every room in my house one everyday to get them straightened out and organized first then I will be ready to start a job. My house got so cluttered through the summer from being so busy with the kids and swimming almost everyday and playing and doing different activities.

My oldest son is in 10th grade and he is playing JV football for the school he really likes and the coaches say he has alot of speed so that will be a good thing for him.

My middle one is in 3rd grade he is my pip he is so easy going most of time he has his moments, but he likes school still and he enjoys talking to everyone!

My little princess is in 1st grade she had a rough first day of school only because is was the first all day school day she came home exhausted she ended starting to fall asleep around 6 and I had to get her outside because I didn't want her falling asleep so early. She is doing good now she goes to bed by 8-8:15 and is a sleep in minutes.

I miss them all but Brooklynn was here 1/2 a day last year by herself so I miss my mommy and me time with her.

But I am getting alot done!!!!


Have a great day!!!

Feeling better

I am starting to feel better. I had shingles and I had a really rough month I still have alot of pain in my shoulder and neck but the flu feeling has gone away. I hate being sick it is so hard with the kids and being home with them and still trying to be motivated so they can stay busy. Thank God for friends a few of my friends took the kids the one week to the pool or to their house so I could get some rest I was so exhausted and didn't have any energy to be able to even take them to the pool. It is the worst feeling because they are the ones missing out when I am sick.

Well anyway they start their first day of school in 5 days. I cannot believe summer is almost over. My little girl goes to first grade this year and I am really nervous for her and I am really going to miss her because she only had 1/2 days of school last year so we had all morning together, now we are not going to have any she will be there all day. It is going to be a big adjustment for both of us. My oldest is playing football and he has been in camp for the passed 2 weeks for 10 hours a day so he has been coming home very tired he is going to be happy when school starts then he will only have 2.5 hours of practice a day. He is going into 10th grade boy I only have 3 years left for him OMG!

My other little boy is going into 3rd grade and he is wanting to do swimming this fall so we are going to have to see how he does and if he makes it because you have to swim pretty far to make the team and he has just really started to swim this year.

Time goes so fast I cannot believe my littlest is in 1st grade and I have one going into 3rd and 10th I am really blessed I just don't know where the time goes and I just cherish all the time I have right now while they are young because it will be gone before we know it and they will be all grown up.

have a great day everyone!

How the days go by!

It is so busy sometimes around here that I don't even know where the time goes. I get up in the morning and get my husband's lunch made and the pets fed, and then I try to get things cleaned up because before I know it, it is time to go to the pool or go outside to play.
Gosh I cannot believe it is already almost Aug. the summer is flying by and then the kids are going to be back in school, and all of my kids are going to be in full time. I am thinking about gettng a job while they are in school but I am hoping that I can find something for when the kids are in school and I can be home when they get home, my husband really doesn't want me working if I am not going to be home when they get home or not home for them to go to school so I am going to have to see what I can find. Cause financially it would be nice to have that extra income. We are off to the pool today and tomorrow my two little ones have passed their tests that they needed to for the summer at the pool, I am so surprised and so happy for them, I really thought it would take them the whole summer to do it but the swim lessons have paid off for my Brookie, she passed her shallow end test, and of course we all know that my Anthony passed the deep end test with flying colors.

Have a great day everyone.

What a great weekend!

I had such a great weekend my husband took off a couple days plus the weekend and we just enjoyed our time together as a family. It is so nice to have quiet uneventful weekends but you still enjoy the time with the kids. I went swimming with the kids of course and then at night we hung out with our neighbors outside while the kids played together on Saturday night my one friend and her husband was up and we sat outside on our steps while their 2 kids the same ages as mine played inside and we laughed so hard, I haven't laughed that hard in such a long time it is so nice to be able to have such a great time and you don't even have to spend money going out or really have to do anything but just be there.

I had quality time with my husband also being married 10 years in Oct. and we still love to be around each other and that is one thing I don't take for granted. I love him so much. I know 10 years don't seem like a long time but anymore it is people are getting divorced after 3 to 5 years because the love isn't there anymore. Don't get me wrong my marriage for surely is not perfect we have had really hard times but we always said to each other yes it is hard right now but we are getting through it together. It has made us appreciate each other more and has made us stronger as individuals and as a couple.

Brooklynn has her first swim lesson today at the pool I really hope she can get over some of her fear of not wanting to go where she can't stand she gets really nervous when she realize she cannot stand anymore and she thinks she is literally going to drown. It is such a horrible feeling to watch her get so scared. I mean I am glad she is afraid of the water alittle but she is afraid to much where she panics. Well hopefully the lessons help!

have a great day everyone!

He passed

Yeah Anthony passed the deep end test at the pool!!! I knew he could do it. I was hesitant in tryng it and I told him I know you can do it we will do it first thing when we get down to the pool so you are not tired and you will be able to do it with no problem so we go down to the pool yesterday afternoon, he told the lifeguard that he was ready to do it, he jumped in and started swimming the length of the pool with no problem then he started treading the water and the lifeguard was counting down every 15 seconds for him so he knew how much time he had left and he just kept treading away. Once he hit the 2 minutes he was so excited he jumped out the pool to get his new tag I am so proud of him! After that I don't think he left the deep end the whole rest of the day! My kids are awesome I am so glad to be so priviliged to have children and to be a mom. I thank God everyday for my kids, they maybe tough sometimes but I wouldn't change them for the world!

Have a Great weekend everyone!

The determination

We were at the pool yesterday and my little Brooklynn stays in the shallow end because she can stand and she is still working on the whole OMG! I can't touch I am going to drowned feeling from her she is the tougher one in letting her know not to panic if she doesn't reach the bottom I told just start swimming. But anyway so we sit at the side of the pool soI can watch her. My middle one Anthony has done so well since we started swimming in the beginning of the summer, he was hardly able to go into the 5 feet and back while swimming but now he is swimming everywhere the deep end and shallow end he is trying to dive in the deep end he is doing great but he is not allowed in the deep end unless I am on that side of the pool until he passes the deep end test and that consists of swimming 2 laps of the pool and treading water for 2 minutes right after swimming the laps without a break. Well he wanted to do the test yesterday and I was really concerned thinking he probably wouldn't be able to make both lengths but he walked right up to the lifeguard and asked to do the test. So I figured you know what lets see what he can do I needed at that point to back off and have confidence in him to at least try! Well he makes both laps of the poo great he starts treading and doing wonderful he gets a minute into it and he has to grab the wall well I am crushed for him because he was so determined to do it and it did Awesome, but he didn't think so his eyes all welled up with tears and he was so upset. I hated it because I couldn't take that pain away from him I kept telling him bud you did not fail you did great I wasn't even sure you were going to make it across both sides of the pool and you did that wonderfully. He was just so sad for a good 20 minutes. I was looking at how he was feeling and I thought to myself I love the determination and the confidence he has in himself that he went for it and ask the lifeguard himself and stepped up to try it! I just don't know how to explain to him at that time that just because you didn't make it all the way he did Great It is not failure it is just more practice that he has to do so he can pass it next time. I am so glad he has the personality of be determined and not giving up because he tried the test again an hour later and couldn't do the treading because he was so tired. But he just has to realize that we are going to fail or not be able to do something the first time but if you keep trying and not give up you will eventually get it he knows it in the back of his head because he did do it a second time but he gets so crushed that it breaks my heart to see him hurting like that. So we are going to be working on treading water for and he is going to do the test right when we get there next time before he starts swimming and I bet he will get it because he was swimming for about an 1 1/2 before he did the test and he almost made it so I bet he will do it!!!! next time I will keep you all posted!

I just thought I would share this because you know we want our kids to be confident and determined and learn from mistakes or just realize you may fall the first few times but try try again, but we hate it when they hurt even when it is something like this or when they fail at something and their hurting and you know that they will do it eventually or it is the best thing for them to fail once in awhile because it will help them grow as a person, but man watching the sadness in his eyes just crushed me. It is so true when they say you wear your heart on your sleeve once you become a parent because it is just open to ache and hurt when your kids do. But the best thing I have learned from this I mean I knew it but yesterday really showed me that I am doing something right because the confidence level was up there with Anthony and that is how I am trying to raise all of them. Don't be ashamed of who you are you walk with your head held high because you are special! I know there is a fine line but I don't let them think they are better then everyone else because I will have to knock them down a few pegs but I do want them to walk and believe in themselves and know that they can do and be anything they want in life!!!!

Sorry this was a long have a good day everyone!

Summer time

It is tough sometimes trying to keep the kids occupied in the morning until the pool opens, I try to do crafts with them or have them play with different things like play dough or moon sand. I just don't like them just staring at the TV all morning but sometimes the TV is what is keeping them occupied for a while so then I can get the chores done in the house that need to be done because once the afternoon comes their is no time for chores it is all kid time. We play outside we have been going to the pool and staying there for at least 3 hours a day then we come home and try and chill out for a little bit, but then we are back outside after dinner because the weather is beautiful and it stays light out until 9. You people say it must be easy to be a stay at home mom and sometimes yes it is easy in the sense of not having to get all the kids up and out the door early in the morning and get to work but it is tough on the other hand because you have the kids 24/7 in the house while you are trying to get stuff done, and of course you have them up your you know what saying I want to do this or she hit me or he took this or the #1 I am BORED!!! I really take it seriously I try to keep them structured most of the time but it has been tough the passed couple of weeks from being so busy. But I am trying to get back into the groove of things and it makes it alot easier and their is a lot less fighting when you keep them busy and doing something. So yes my chores in the summer go on the back burner alot of the times. I keep my house descent but I don't keep it immaculate like I use to a long long time ago. But I have finally excepted that, that is ok everything doesn't have to be perfect as long as my kids are having a good time and I am sane this is how it is going to be!

I hope everyone is having a great summer so far!!!!

Good Morning all!!!!

I had a great day yesterday with the kids I finally got to get back to the pool with them. Two weeks ago my son cut his leg open and ended up with 4 stitches so we couldn't swim at the pool and last week I was so busy with the wedding we ended up not being able to go. But now we re back. My children love to swim Anthony is really getting use to swimming and has become brave enough to swim in the deep end and I think he will be able to pass the deep end test pretty soon. My daughter on the other hand she is starting to get use to the shallow end if she can stand and she then will try and swim but she has to be able to touch or she panics. I am trying to explain to her that if she feels herself going under the water to just relax and start swimming because the panicing just makes you go under again. We are working on it though. My oldest of course is great at swimming and he is so good with the kids down there I really think he is going to be an Elementary teacher for Gym he loves all the kids around our part of the neighborhood he plays with them in the pool he is their to help them feel better if one gets hurt he makes me so proud at how is maturing and showing love and sensitivity to the kids, cause some teenagers don't like to be bothered with kids at 15.

Well I guess I should do some laundry and clean my bathroom since I have had my house cleaning on the back burner for so long!!!! have a Great day everyone!!!

What a weekend!

Oh Boy! the weekend came and went my sister's wedding was wonderful it turned out very well and she was a beautiful bride! I was so busy these last few weeks while I helped my sister get everything done I cannot wait to be able to hang out at the pool more now with the kids they love to swim my 2 oldest boys are doing well without floating devices but my little girl she is going to be 6 in August she still has a hard time if she cannot stand.

My kids were so wonderful at the wedding the Anthony 8 and Brooklynn 5 were on the dance floor all night they are not shy at all. Anthony was so cute he was trying to break dance and do the moon walk it was classic. and well Brooklynn she just danced her little butt off all night by the time we got home they went upstairs to put their pj's on and I think they were passed out in a matter of 5 minutes! It is so wonderful to see that they are not afraid to be in front of people I really want them to be confident with themselves and always stand with their head held High! It looks like that is happening so far and I hope it stays that way.

My 15 year old Christopher has his first girlfriend and I am trying to be the mom that supports this and is here for him to talk and be really open with him. We are going to have her come over this week sometime so I can meet her and I can meet her parents. My son told my friend a couple weeks ago that he wants to date girls that have his same values and beliefs, he said he wants someone that goes to church and believes in God and I very impressed with that and I talked to him about that also I told I was really happy to hear that he was that mature and had those views for a girlfriend. He really made me proud because not all 15 yr old boys would think that way and of course not all 15 year olds act like him. We may have our mother, son attitudes with each other because that is his age but he is a great boy he helps out with chores most of the time without giving me a hard time, he does going out and get into trouble or get into any of the stuff that some of the teenagers are into right now. Of course I do have tight reigns on him to a certain extent at night I don't allow him to go out and just galavant around the neighbor like some of the older teens do because I really feel that after dark and walking around a development will just get you into trouble because you are bored.

Well I am going to do for now I hope everyone has a great day I am going to be swimming all afternoon most likely and then the 2 little ones have a pool party!

Summer is here and very busy!

I don't realize how consumed I get and how busy it gets that the time flies by so fast. I have been busy with the kids everyday going to the pool, playground, or just playing outside now that they are home everyday it is like their is not enough time in the day to do any cleaning or laundry.

On top of that I have been helping my sister so much with her wedding it is tomorrow!!!!!!! I have worked 12 hour days this passed week to get everything done for it, running around like a chicken with his head cut getting the dresses getting my hair done getting the nails done so they look half decent, and having to take the kids running around with ya is just an added bonus haha! Anyway I will be glad that everything is going to calm down and I am going to get back in the groove of things and trying to post more like I use too.

I hope everyone has a great day!!!!! I will be back on Sunday!!!!!!

It is going to be a beautiful day!!

I am so excited that our weather has calmed down the rain was so tough. I get to this point of being really down when it rains more then a day or two. The kids are all coup up inside and fighting, telling me they are bored or asking to do something they are not suppose too. But the wonderful weather is back so now we are outside after school playing and riding bikes with the neighbors. It is such a great thing to have a group of us moms that sit out with the children while they play. I don't let them out alone and a few of the other moms don't either so we enjoy talking about what happen during the day and just making each other laugh because our kids did something funny that day or we just vent with what has happen that day that just irritated us. I am so greatful for all of you that are following me I am sorry I have been on much my little sister is getting married in July so I have been helping her with alot of the stuff I have made her invitations, and have been setting up her Bridal Shower so if I am only on once or twice a week right it is because I am doing that but it should calm down soon. Everyone have a great day!!!

I am back!

Good Morning all,

I have been so busy these passed couple weeks, It was beautiful weather over a week ago and we had 90 degree weather so i was outside with the kids every afternoon after school and during the weekend having water balloon fights with the neighbor kids. It was so much fun I love seeing my kids have fun and playing with other children around the neighborhood. I try to stay as creative as I can so my kids can have some enjoyment and not get bored so fast. I just feel that it is my time to spend with them, and even if I am tired well they aren't and they are ready to go out and play and ride bikes they are both on 2 wheelers now! yeah! and also since we had about 5 days straight of rain it was great allowing them to go out the past 2 evenings just to even run off steam they need that. It also gives me time to socialize with the other mothers and that is nice too.

I have also been helping my younger sister with her wedding, we have been getting the shower underway, getting our dresses, and making invitations for the Shower and the wedding so it has been keeping me a little busy.

Well I will go for now but I will be back!

Promises Promises

Yes I am back already. I am so disappointed right now I woke up this morning with the woman issue and I am really hurting right now because a couple months ago I ended up with an ectopic pregnancy and ever since the surgery to remove the tube I have been in so much pain the first day I get my period. Unfortunatly it has come today and I am in alot of pain but I still have to go on here I promised my daughter she could water paint today and I cannot go back on that I really feel that my word has to be genuine with my kids so they know they can depend on me at all times and that my word is good. Anyway I have gotten her situated at the kitchen table with newspapers everywhere and her waterpaints out and ready and she is painting away while I try and sit here for a little bit with the heating pad. I am really glad that this only last about a day but this one day can really make it tough to do the normal everyday routine. But there isn't a break in motherhood alot of the time you just dig deep and do it.
Talk to you all later.

What a week so far.

Hello everyone and what a week it has been so far.
Can anyone tell me why as soon as I sweep and mop my kitchen floor it becomes a magnet for juice or milk to be spilled on it. And where are the disposable clothes gosh it seems like when I am done the laundry of course it is never really done but when I think I have caught up with it and it is all put away I have another two loads to do. I do the laundry for 4 of the 5 people in my house and you know the bigger the kids get the more loads I do. So anyone ever feel like a robot that keeps washing and cleaning over and over again.

Oh Yeah on top of that trying to keep up with the 3 kids. I thought when the kids got older it would be easier. Don't get me wrong it is easier with sleeping through the night and not getting spit up on all the time. But it just becomes difficult in other ways. Like my 15 year old I am having such a hard time getting it through his hard head that he needs to keep his grades up. I just don't understand why he insists one doing his work half fast. I know he can do better then he is doing and he is just being lazy. I have always told him I would rather see a hard working "C" if he is doing his best and he just doesn't get it or it is just not something he is great at, then to see a "D" just because he doesn't want to do the work. It is so frustrating to me to see this. How do you make a 15 year old care I feel like my husband and I have tried everything to give him incentives to do better and I have even gone the other way and he has gotten punished but it all just doesn't work. So if anyone has any advice let me know because I am at a loss.

Well I am off to get the other 2 little ones day started I will be back soon!

It is Monday already!

I don't know where the weekend went. I wish that could go slower. I am up and starting my morning routine with lunches and getting the kids up and ready to go back to school. Sometimes I wish the time would stand still and sometimes I would want it to go fast (that is rare).

You know I was having my kids clean their rooms yesterday and I don't know why it is such a battle my middle son had no problem he started it right away and it took him a long time but he did it. But my daughter kept coming in and saying I need someone to help me now to remind you she is 5 but still she made the mess. So my oldest son he is 15 started helping, that helped alittle bit but then she would come in and say he is doing anything and I would reply you go in there and start helping you are lucky he is up here helping you. I finally said we are not going outside if it is not done. She ended up falling asleep for awhile and then when she got up I told her the room still needs to be clean. I don't know where I am going wrong because it took forever but she finally got it done. Their has to be an easier way of doing this I don't know how to get her to clean without a fight and without it taking half the day. I also to understand how it can get to be such a mess in her room sometimes I cannot walk in it if I don't stay on top of her cleaning it up right after she is done playing with something. So if anyone has any advice with this let me know.

Well I am going to go and get the oldest one up and start making lunches for everyone.
Have a great day!!

A week has gone by!

Good Morning all,

This week has gone so fast. I don't even remember half of what I did except when it was beautiful I was outside with the kids after school and after dinner. I really enjoy being outside with my neighbors and their kids it is a peaceful time and hectic at times. But I get to be out with adults and talking to someone that is my age and is going through the same issues I am. For example your child is being stubborn and throwing a tantrum because they are not getting their way, you stick to your guns and they slowly get over it. But then one of your friends is outside with you and their child throws a tantrum and does the same thing your child did a few minutes ago and you realize gosh my child is not the only one that does this and my friend goes through the same thing I go through. We deal with it most of the time the same and sometimes differently and sometimes it is a learning experience on my part seeing another way of dealing with my child and seeing if another way would work out better next time my child does her melt down or tantrum.

We need to stick together as mothers and always be open for advice because this is the only support we can get that is accurate because the other mother is going through the same thing we are. Lets face it raising a child is the hardest thing to do on earth and when we do it full time 24/7 it is hard because it is constantly you. No one else takes care of them during the day you are always the one there.

But on the other hand working mothers have it just as hard but on the other side of it. You have to get up and get them out the door. Then you drop them of at the sitter or day care and only hope they don't give you a hard going in so you can get to work on time and not feel guilty dropping them off. After that you work a hard job all day you go pick up the kids and you start the rest of the of your day doing all the mommy stuff and sometimes it last all the way through the middle of night if you have an infant or if you have a sick child or a stubborn child that feels that your bed is their bed. Either way we all do a great job! Sometimes it does not feel like it but we do our best!!!

Have a wonderful Sunday I will be back tomorrow.

Happy Easter Everyone!

What a wonderful day to spend with the family. This was such a great day for me. I started out with the kids getting up and seeing what the Easter bunny brought, then we had our egg hunt. I love watching my children having so much fun. After that we went to church and saw the kids Easter program ( of course I had them all dressed up in their Easter outfits.) We came home had lunch and played with some of the toys they got. Then we ended up outside in the afternoon and did another harder Easter egg hunt with the neighbors. After that we had dinner and watch the movie "Bolt" all cuddled together in our bed. Finally, we are all winding down and getting ready for another week to begin.

As you see my day was busy but I loved it as much as I can feel the overwhelming parts of my regular schedule these times with my family just make it easier to appreciate what I have and thankful for how wonderful and blessed my family is, and how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family.

I hope you all had a great Easter and I will be back tomorrow!!

P.S. Thank you all for following my blog. I did notice I have another follower thank you so much "New Mommy"and good luck with the new baby. If you have any questions or anything you ever need to talk about let me know. That is why we both have blogs.

The Biggest Burden we Carry as Parents!

Good Morning all,

You know I started this blog for all housewives to be open and honest about everyday life. I was picturing my blog to be funny and sometimes serious but with some humor. I apologies in advance for this post being so sad and serious but it is on my mind so I came here to write what I am feeling.

If you have not notice yet it is about 12:45 am, I cannot sleep. It has been a while since I have had a night where I am up after a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep within a half hour.

Well here it goes our biggest burden in my opinion is keeping our children SAFE!!! I was half a sleep when the world news came on and they talked about the little girl Sandra.
Oh what a beautiful happy little girl, that was just innocently skipping down the road where she lived. That is the last time she was seen by anyone that loved her, the last time any of her friends saw her or even strangers saw her alive! EXCEPT for the person that took her life from this world!!!!! This person just took a little girl that had her whole life ahead of her, her hopes and dreams gone. Her parents hopes and dreams for her gone and now her parents life will never ever be the same again and they have to live with the worst loss in the world!!!

My heart is breaking right now for her family and friends. For her whole community, everyone stepped up for approx. 10 days looking for her hoping and praying that they would find her alive.
I cannot phathom or even imagine what these parents are going to have to bare now. Their worst fear just became a reality. Don't get me wrong I know it is happening everyday numerous times a day to parents and I am thinking about them also. But this one just hit me because it is so public and it is fresh in my mind I just had a horrible nightmare about it!!! I am praying for Sandra's family and also to all the families that have lost a child or love one.

Praying is the only thing we can do at all times for our childrens safety and for all the other children around us and for all parents. But we can also be aware of our surroundings, we cannot be comfortable we have to be alert of anything and everything going on around our children. Us parents need to stick together we see something that we don't feel comfortable about but it is not our child we cannot just let it slide, I know it is hard sometimes to go into someone's business but we have to do it. Trust me I have been slackful on and off with my children but I am outside with them I just don't know if I have stayed as alert as I could be.

Of course I am not saying we should be living in fear or be paranoid, but I am saying it is nothing like when alot of us were little and we could go outside by ourselves and our parents wouldn't have to worry as much. Unfortunatly we are not it that world anymore and their are people out in our world today taking our children, our flesh and blood, our lives away from us and we have to do all that we can to stop them. Before anyone says anything I am not saying that Sandra's parents or any other parent that has had a child taken wasn't doing everything they could I wouldn't ever say that or suggest that I don't even know them personally I just know that it is an unbearable thought of what has happen and it has gotten me really angry, sad, and totally aware of what I can do better for my children and the children surrounding me. This blog is to help me and others when we put our suggestions and opinions on the board.

Like I said earlier these are my feelings and my opinions. I do apologize for this post being so depressing but I really couldn't leave my feelings inside!! I hope I didn't mess up to much on the grammar and spelling it is late at night and I am for surely not perfect so, sorry in advance if something is wrong.

Well I am off to try and go back to sleep!
God Bless you all.

Expectations

Good Morning and welcome to my blog it is great to see I have another follower.

I am going to talk about the expectations we have for ourselves. Sometimes they are realistic but sometimes they aren't. We want to be the "Supermom" and you know that is not possible. When my second child was born I stayed home for about 5 months, I put so much pressure on myself thinking I have to have my house immaculate I have to have a hot meal on the table when my husband got home, and then I had to be the one who took care of the baby at all times because my husband just worked 8 hours or 10 hours. I shouldn't be home all day and not doing anything. Of course that was how I thought I wasn't suppose to sit down when the baby was sleeping. I suppose to be cleaning, doing the bills, doing the laundry (because I shouldn't have any dirty clothes in the hamper at anytime) I am a stay home mom I don't have to goto work this is my job. You know I did it and I ran myself ragged. I had these expectations for myself that were just not realistic. After 5 months I had to go back to work because of finances so I went to a day care so I could be with my baby all day and get paid. Now this became a totally different situation. I still thought I had to do it all I would get so frustrated with myself when my house wasn't up to par and trust me it wasn't dirty, it was lived in but it was clean. So I went through the next 2 years just being the do all my husband help here and there but most of the time I still felt this is my job.

Well baby #3 came along I was financially able to stay home again. Oh I was so excited so I thought. having a 7 yr old and a baby was one thing, but having a 10yr old, a 3 year old and a newborn totally different and my husband went to night schoo 2 days a week. Talk about overwhelmimg I didn't know what end was up some days because I was running myself to the ground because I still had to be supermom and have everything done everyday and my husband better come home to a clean house and nice dinner etc. BUT the thing is my husband never ever told me that this is how it was suppose to be I brought all this pressure on myself thinking that I was a bad wife and mother if this isn't how I did it.

What changed things, well I ended up being diagnosed with Graves disease in the spring my daughter was 7 months old my sons were 3 and 10. I was in and out of the ER a few times, we moved into a bigger house (more to clean) and I had major surgery to get my Thyroid removed in July. I was out of commission for about 2 weeks and had to depend on other people to do things for me. By the time the fall came my daughter was a year old and I started getting really depressed and having panic attacks. I wasn't sleeping I got up every morning on about 2 to 3 hours of sleep and I just was going through the motions I started feeling like I didn't want to live I didn't want to be a mom anymore because I sucked at it and I hit the point when my husband go home from work I would go up in my room shut the door and lay in bed a cry. I had no reason to be doing it I had everything I ever wanted a wonderful husband, 3 healthy beautiful children but I did not want to be there and I did not want to live anymore. Well everyone knows where I am going with this I finally got on medication and started counseling and I realized that I was suffering from Post Pardom Depression now I was shocked because how could that be my daughter was a year and half. Well what I came to realize with my counseling was that I had PPD since the baby was born and then of course it got worse when my thyroid came out. My point is I was so sucked in to being this supermom and super wife that I didn't pay attention. I was going through the motions all this time thinking I was doing everything right that I didn't pay attention to what I was really doing to myself.

After about 3 months of counseling and medication I started realizing that the EXPECTATIONS I gave myself were way to high. Yes my house had to be cleaned the kids needed to be taken care, the laundry and meals had to be done. But I took a step back and said my house doesn't have to be immaculate all the time I can have laundry in the hamper, and I can sometimes give my children and husband an easy dinner yes we have had cereal for dinner before.

So ladies we are great moms and wives without overbearing ourselves with the pressure that we usually put on ourselves. Take a day off give yourself a little me time it is worth it and you will realize that you are a better mom for it. I hope you all have a great day and I will be back soon.

What a day!

The days just seem to blend together sometimes, you just don't have enough time in the day to do everything. I am lucky I can bath the kids every other night sometimes. You would think with being home all day I would have time to do everything but it really just goes fast. Before I know it I am picking the kids up from school, getting dinner ready and then it is time for bed. And it starts all over again the next day. woohoo!!