Expectations

Good Morning and welcome to my blog it is great to see I have another follower.

I am going to talk about the expectations we have for ourselves. Sometimes they are realistic but sometimes they aren't. We want to be the "Supermom" and you know that is not possible. When my second child was born I stayed home for about 5 months, I put so much pressure on myself thinking I have to have my house immaculate I have to have a hot meal on the table when my husband got home, and then I had to be the one who took care of the baby at all times because my husband just worked 8 hours or 10 hours. I shouldn't be home all day and not doing anything. Of course that was how I thought I wasn't suppose to sit down when the baby was sleeping. I suppose to be cleaning, doing the bills, doing the laundry (because I shouldn't have any dirty clothes in the hamper at anytime) I am a stay home mom I don't have to goto work this is my job. You know I did it and I ran myself ragged. I had these expectations for myself that were just not realistic. After 5 months I had to go back to work because of finances so I went to a day care so I could be with my baby all day and get paid. Now this became a totally different situation. I still thought I had to do it all I would get so frustrated with myself when my house wasn't up to par and trust me it wasn't dirty, it was lived in but it was clean. So I went through the next 2 years just being the do all my husband help here and there but most of the time I still felt this is my job.

Well baby #3 came along I was financially able to stay home again. Oh I was so excited so I thought. having a 7 yr old and a baby was one thing, but having a 10yr old, a 3 year old and a newborn totally different and my husband went to night schoo 2 days a week. Talk about overwhelmimg I didn't know what end was up some days because I was running myself to the ground because I still had to be supermom and have everything done everyday and my husband better come home to a clean house and nice dinner etc. BUT the thing is my husband never ever told me that this is how it was suppose to be I brought all this pressure on myself thinking that I was a bad wife and mother if this isn't how I did it.

What changed things, well I ended up being diagnosed with Graves disease in the spring my daughter was 7 months old my sons were 3 and 10. I was in and out of the ER a few times, we moved into a bigger house (more to clean) and I had major surgery to get my Thyroid removed in July. I was out of commission for about 2 weeks and had to depend on other people to do things for me. By the time the fall came my daughter was a year old and I started getting really depressed and having panic attacks. I wasn't sleeping I got up every morning on about 2 to 3 hours of sleep and I just was going through the motions I started feeling like I didn't want to live I didn't want to be a mom anymore because I sucked at it and I hit the point when my husband go home from work I would go up in my room shut the door and lay in bed a cry. I had no reason to be doing it I had everything I ever wanted a wonderful husband, 3 healthy beautiful children but I did not want to be there and I did not want to live anymore. Well everyone knows where I am going with this I finally got on medication and started counseling and I realized that I was suffering from Post Pardom Depression now I was shocked because how could that be my daughter was a year and half. Well what I came to realize with my counseling was that I had PPD since the baby was born and then of course it got worse when my thyroid came out. My point is I was so sucked in to being this supermom and super wife that I didn't pay attention. I was going through the motions all this time thinking I was doing everything right that I didn't pay attention to what I was really doing to myself.

After about 3 months of counseling and medication I started realizing that the EXPECTATIONS I gave myself were way to high. Yes my house had to be cleaned the kids needed to be taken care, the laundry and meals had to be done. But I took a step back and said my house doesn't have to be immaculate all the time I can have laundry in the hamper, and I can sometimes give my children and husband an easy dinner yes we have had cereal for dinner before.

So ladies we are great moms and wives without overbearing ourselves with the pressure that we usually put on ourselves. Take a day off give yourself a little me time it is worth it and you will realize that you are a better mom for it. I hope you all have a great day and I will be back soon.